Catherine’s Blog

45/365 I may have issues.

Originally uploaded by LPM

So, St Valentine’s Day, dislike it, move right along beside the fact Joyce had a lot of fun being the assistant in lighting this of the heart.
Nat and I have scoped out a number of craft markets and will be trying out luck at those next month. Hopefully we will do well.
Really, that is about it, I have spent a lot of time writing job applications, universities, councils and tourist parks. It is a little mad. I have some interesting choices with a large retail firm and university. I it is all a little mad really, quite stressful. I have applied for a number of jobs and worked hard at honing my applications into finely tuned things. I find the application writing hard, the proof reading is nigh impossible and I am thankful to the people who have proof read for me.
I am bored of not working but i am not going to take just anything right at this moment.

26/265 Australia Day.

Originally uploaded by LPM

So last time your intrepid blogger checked in she was complaining about sunburn after looking at cars. Since then there has been a public holiday, Australia Day which was passed lying on the couch, listening to Triple J and looking back on the year. It was then i publicly announced I was returning to Australia, I am back now and although certainly not where I thought i would be I am reasonably happy.

I went out, goth clubbing and caught up with lots of people and made some new contacts. It was great to get out even though there were lots of young goths who looked like they dressed like R&B goths.

I test drove a number of cars and finally settled on a Holden Bernia. I am well pleased with the car and it has given me a good boost even though the amount of money has given me the waking up terrors.


Since the purchase of the car I have been testing it, by visiting people unannounced and in general getting a sense of freedom back. Although I had access to cars it does not feel the same as my own car. I went and visit Penny at Syber’s books. It was like I had come home. I have gotten back into reading. Some trashy fantasy plus other fantasy stuff, next step is to read Rikard’s favourite books and some steampunk. Catching up with Penny was great. Lots of brilliant gossip, catching up with the past two years, it was tough telling her why I was back. Really tough. She also filled me in all the comings and goings of friends and exs. I picked up books and went on my merry way.

I have had a couple of job interviews that I have good feelings about. I am waiting for choices to be made. I really want one in a big public library, the vibe off the interviewers was very good and they are doing roving which I am very interested in. The other was for a large well know retailer here in Australia, it is call centre work but products they sell I am interested in and the job seems not too far away from what I have done in the past. I have a number of jobs to apply for this week. The market seems to be picking up which is very good.

I am getting into the catching up with people and rally making an effort at the moment, I caught up with Catherine from High School earlier in the week, catching up without her boys over dinner. We have made a date in three weeks time to do it again. I am also catching up with Flo and her new addition on Monday.
I went to the movies with Joyce last night to see “The Lovely Bones”, dark and surreal, it was a good movie, possibly a touch long. Before the movies I spent a lot of time looking at old photos and finding the perfect one for a looking into the past self portrait.

Today I cut out fabric and headed back to Melton, tomorrow job applications.
I have been getting into this self portrait thing and working on more artistic shots. I am quite pleased with some of my recent ones. I am going to try and post a shot here a day to try get into the swing of posting more often, even though I have only vague idea who reads this. I have had a quote back on my DSLR and will have to discuss that with my brother about the insurance.

14/52 Awesome

Originally uploaded by LPM

Welcome to 2010. Happy New Year Readers.
I had a lovely night, caught up with people I have not seen in years.
So, this year, grabbing it by the balls so to speak. Hopefully a new house for me and Tudor, even just a rental until I can get a loan but still staying true to it just being the two of us. A desperately needed new car this month and a job.
A bit of intense social stuff. Trying to decide whether it is worth chasing up some friends. I am disappointed in the the fact I have not heard form some friends but I am wondering if the circumstances of my return are making people uncomfortable.
I am going to have a look around and maybe join the Melbourne Goth Forum. Also the photography meet up group. Also to a stitching groups. maybe a poke at some steampunk stuff?
Also maybe attempting the 365 project. Not sure if the is just too much. Is anyone interested is seeing my face or bits of me everyday? I have to get my camera repaired because of the dropping and cracking the base plate.
A new change, I am much more comfortable talking about my marriage and the ramifications of it in my life now. I truly wish it was different, I am not sure at what point though but I am now looking forward. Rickard is coming, he is a breath of fresh air and makes me smile. He is the reason that Awesome is the catch phrase at the moment. He is awesome himself and what ever the outcome of his trip I have no doubt that he has helped me get back on my feet.
I am loving being back in Australia and even though it is stressy without a job, missing friends and starting a new life, I am 100% sure coming back was the right thing to do. I am happier and more grounded.
So, here is to an awesome 2010 for me and all those people near as well as dear to me.

Cats ears

Originally uploaded by LPM

2009, it started freezing and ended hot. I was in Slovenia with Anthony this time last year. It was beautiful and we had a good time in the snow.
2009 for me has been pretty horrid, I have lost a lot. Two people I loved, Aunt Barbara to old age and Anthony to someone else. Both losses were out of my control, the hardest thing to bear. A home I built torn asunder and my life in general turned upside down. There has been a loss of trust and a discovery of good friends.
2010 is what I can make it, recovering, discovery and rediscovery. Not looking back and living my life for me.
So onwards, finding a job and a new home for me and Tudor. I am hoping 2010 is as awesome as Rikard has predicted.

7/52 tired

Originally uploaded by LPM

This week has been a bit of a strain. A low after the highs, bound to happen.

There are some things in Australia that is like coming home and others that I suspect I am having reverse culture shock about.
The landscape looks very alien, it is quite dry but there has been rain so it is not as dry as it was last time I was here.  It is the colours, the English and Japanese country sides are green, emerald brilliant greens.  Japan’s leaves were changing, yellow and red.  The Australian countryside is never that green.  It is drab greens, olives and khaki combined with the red of the earth and the yellow of the grass.  There are stretches of brilliant purple flowers, the flowers have two names.  Patterson’s Curse or Salvation Jane is the name of the flower, it is a very bad year when is does not flower.  It does not like familiar, the dryness and sparsely dotted sheep, the shape of the trees and the fences.  It is very odd to find a landscape that was completely normal for 30 ears becomes strange.
The general customer service here is very different from the UK, the people behind the counter chat to you and chat among them selves.  They really don’t go out of their way to help either.  The reserve of the English has left its mark and I suspect if I don’t get used to it I am going to become a snob very quickly.  I suspect at this point some of you are laughing at me.  It is all very odd and I find myself getting angry at times at customer service people because of this attitude.  I walk out of a phone shop due to the unhelpful attitude.  At the moment I am trying to work out if it is me being uptight and the Australian laid back attitude filtering in.  I am sure it will become the norm but at the moment it is strain.
The other thing I am finding is accents.  Everyone has Australian accents and mine has changed.  Not a lot but a bit, it has flattened a touch and the question infliction is gone and there are British notes as well as South African inflictions.  The harsher, I supposed less refined accents are grating on me.  They sound like bad accents impressions that sometimes were thrown at me in the UK.  It is  I am finding the female accents the worst.  It again is all alien and harsh.  I am sure I will get used to it.  This is most noticeable on the telly and I sometimes want to crawl under the couch.  The fact some adds have not changed since I left, well they are different ads but the jingles are the same and the bloke in the tutu and gumboots is older.  Also seeing UK programs is a little odd as well.
I will admit to hiding in Melton to a degree, I finding the hole Anthony has left seems larger here and it is little like a menacing shadow.  I am feeling a little odd about  meeting even old friends, scared almost, I worried about crying, or sound bitter and cynical.  I am sure most will understand but the oddest things set me off at the moment.  I still see things I would have in the past I would have bought him.  Avocados in Coles yesterday was the last moment.  I do hope it gets better.  I am quite angry with him at the moment, I suspect that is healthy.
So, I am mixed up and not sure how I feel about inflicting that on people who have not really met Anthony nor seen me over the past few years.  I suppose they will be okay, but I have changed a lot and have  become quite sensitive to things, especially things that Anthony picked on and this makes me defensive with people who don’t know.  Ack, a web that is tangled.
There are bright points, Fergus and Ewan, Nat and Michael and Joyce and Arnie.  They have been great.  I am not sure how I will ever repay Michael for opening his home to me and supporting me.  It is a little surreal but comforting.  There is the weather, although astoundingly hot it is not overcast nor drizzling, I am sure I will get used to the heat soon enough.  And CEB, who has been supportive and listened to whiging a lot.
Any way, I think that is enough offending and navel gazing.  I need to engage my brain, maybe attempt to learn a language.  Maybe Swedish?

3/52 29 Boxes

Originally uploaded by LPM

Okay, I am in a hotel tonight spending my last night in London.
I am quite sad, I am going to miss London and the reasons for going have really well and truly broken my heart. I do wish things had turned out differently.
The last week has been stressful but there has the silver lining of supportive friends and lots of hugs.
My life fitted into 29 boxes. It is quite odd to think that. I have my back pack packed, almost the same weight as when I left London.
Thank you to all my friends here in London. I am going to miss you. To my friends and family in Australia, two weeks people.

Well, this week has been quite… bleak.
On Saturday Anthony left to spend a month at a friend’s place. I did the right thing by me and got out of the house for the day. I spent the day with Corrinne and we went to the Hackney Wicked Art festival. It was a lovely way to spend an afternoon. We wandered the art galleries and sampled the food. I had a win with a very cool scarf, hand screen printed with day of the dead style skulls. I am rather pleased with it. (I got lots of compliments on it and my new hair colour on the weekend.) I spent a fair bit of time taking photos of artists palettes. Very up close, I loved the colours, the depth and the feel of creativity waiting for the touch of a brush. We finally became galleried out and I headed home to an empty house. I then headed out to Peter’s for his birthday. It was a really nice night and I am grateful for the internet in general as there were only a couple of question regarding Anthony not being there.
I got home late and went to sleep pretty quickly but I really do not enjoy being in the house on my own, strange noises etc.
Sunday I pottered around the house, went to gym and then headed off to the Alternative Bring and Buy sale. It was good fun and I bought a new pair of Doc Marten’s boot, purple furry ones. I think that will be the end of my comfort spending.
Last night I went out with Ela and we saw “Coco before Chanel”. I enjoyed the movie and the company. It was just right, out of the house without having to be terribly social. That is my main issue at the moment. I sort of need company but company without too many demands on me.
Tonight I am going to do a bit of rearranging of furniture to fill up the blank holes left by Anthony. Tomorrow out with the Goths. A community I am forever grateful for.
This month is going to be hard.

I would love to tell you all about my really good weekend last weekend, it was lovely but things have become quite distressing since then.

Today is the five year anniversary since I met Anthony.  It was a good night.  Tonight for me is not so brilliant.

Anthony has decided he needs a break, from tomorrow he will be staying with friends for a month.  I am feeling very fragile about this all.  It is going to be a hard month.  This began on Monday night.

The timing sucks.

In slightly better news Aunt Barbara is to return to her retirement village’s nursing home unit on Monday.  this is a good thing.  she will have lots of friends to visit her there.

Five years ago there was a tube strike in London. I know this fact because I arrived at Heathrow for the very first time five years ago today.
Five years is a long time, I am quite a different person than I was then. I was fatter but unfortunately not that much. I had more hair and a different colour. I was not as experienced in my work and had worked in the same sector since 1996 or so. I moved sectors, moved back, hated it and although still in the Education sector am in a less stressful sector.
I have lived in different parts of London, North and South. I have gone from flat sharing with randoms to sharing with one important person and a house truly becoming a home.
I like the UK, I don’t love it. I have found the last five years to be full of adventure, friends and love. It has been good and I have not regretted extending my six months stay. I do find the long grey days more draining than I thought possible and I miss my family, a lot. I have had experiences in the UK and Europe that I would have never had anywhere else. I have found acceptance as well as castles.
I am ready to go home, the weather of the past few days has highlighted that for me. I miss the outdoor lifestyle, my family, the weather, long drives and stark light.
I will miss castles, green hills, hedgerows, weird accents, a wide variety of gin and beer, concerts and general London life. Hell, I will miss the tube.
In five years I have cut my hair, changed three different dress sizes, worked in four different jobs and gained a husband. A lot of change.
If it was not for London I would not have met Anthony. And he is the greatest gift/change I have had. One of the most important people in my life that is for sure. The reason my flat is a home and that my most important possession is a single white gold band and that I can say one person can change your life.
I like London but don’t love it and after five years the choice to leave soonish feels very right, there are other places to explore and to make home. I thank London and a lot of the people reading this for the past five years.